When I write a new blog post, it is often akin to a therapy session. A topic or a theme will catch my attention and I will spend days ruminating over it, over why it, for whatever reason, has had an impact on me. It can be a word, an article, a programme on tv or the radio, a memory, a photograph, an article, a film, a conversation. Anything. I am grateful that inspiration comes from all sources as it makes me ask of myself some fundamental questions.
I don’t sit around like some Ancient Greek philosopher contemplating life’s big questions (although, how great would that be??). The questions I have been asking stem from my reaction to a situation and how I had to decipher my response--whether it was based on what I should do or what I truly wanted to do. And therein was the moment I started to wonder what I really wanted and who I truly am underneath the shoulds and ought tos. It's kind of like peeling away the layers that have piled up over the 47 years of my time on this planet in order to get to my core.
The School of Life describes human nature this way, "We’ll trail public opinion slavishly, constantly checking the world’s whims rather than consulting an inner barometer in order to know what we should want, feel and value." It's easy to assume that we should all know ourselves by the time we reach a certain age. Yet, the reality is, so much of who we are has been shaped by influence and opinion. We are also the sum of our experiences. We develop an identity, characteristics, a personality that either adhere to what is assumed we are or what is expected we should be. From the moment we are born, we are shaped. It's that "inner barometer" that I am working on reaching.
Like most questions I ask of myself, I do so through my blog posts. Now, this particular post isn't ready to publish as trying to uncover the many layers that make up our being isn't easy, neither is putting it into words. Maybe that's why I find myself gravitating towards those books, movies, articles, interviews that help to illustrate what it is I'm feeling so that I can then eventually do so in my own way. Many of which you will find in #Repost.
I could argue that The Citrine Room's entire raison d'être is a weekly therapy session for me, a place to explore my journey into myself. It’s important for me to do this internal work so that in learning to know myself, I will know how to help my son discover himself and thrive in this world in a way that is best for him, making decisions that come from within him and not from anyone else. Plus, every day, we face situations where we are called upon to respond or decide which path to take, from what we buy, which friendships to invest in, to which projects pursue. I'm not talking about a should-I-tell-that-person-what-I-really-think' situation. It's more of a how-can-i-start-to-feel-more-myself-and-make-choices-accordingly situation.
Having you join me gives me the added purpose and dedication to continue to do so in the hopes that perhaps you will explore the parts that make you, you. And while the point of this post is to highlight that there isn't a post ready for you to read--yet--it's important for me to express that like the post, I'm a work in progress. In the meantime, there's always those sources of inspiration that come in the form of creative outlets aka #Repost. Tbc...